Banana Bread and Bonnie

25 Mar

Woke up at 5 am to bake two loaves of banana bread; One for me & Marvyn, the other for my Tita Carrie. She had surgery on Wed. to take out a cancerous growth in her thyroid. Not sure if she can eat, but I hope it cheers her up, nonethless.

My Tuesday session with Bonnie was insightful.

  • About Mom: At my session, I cried for the first time since learning about my mom’s CLL. All of her chronic conditions were preventive, but not this. I bought travel insurance, knowing in the back of my mind anything can happen. Call her more often than usual, which had been about once a month. Weekly now.
  • About Kevin: My guilt is in my control. There are no shoulds (ie, I “should” take him in if my parents die, I “should” take care of/parent him because he can’t take care of himself”). Why should I do the work? HE should do the work. He’s 34 — an adult. If anything, I should expect more from him. He’s capable. I did it, so can he.
  • About work: Continue to look for opportunities, not emotionally invest at work (or else feel depressed/disappointed in myself).
  • About transition: My life in Los Feliz was fun and spontaneous. My life in Rancho is not so much. I knew this coming in. But knowing and actually experiencing it are two different things. Of course, I have to realize that it’s going to be different, of course I have to adjust, and of course I have to be aware I’m going to feel a gamut of emotions — sadness, depression, resentment. But I also feel fortunate, grateful, happy, and in love.
  • About creativity: Of course, starting this blog. Continue to cook my weekly new recipe or perfect a previous one. I started reading “Eat Pray Love.”

Bonnie pointed out that I flourished when I was removed from my family. I can be supportive — just from a distance so that I don’t get emotionally overwhelmed.

My life for now M-F is what it is. I have a job that’s 55 miles away from my home, hence my long commute. It is what it is. Don’t invest energy bemoaning or brooding. Invest in other things, like creativitiy, relationships, cooking, nesting and personal growth. 

I booked the airfare & insurance ($1700) and hotel, tour & insurance package ($1427) in the last week.  Only had to put deposit and insurance down for package ($512). The balance to be paid May.

To save up for the trip, am earnestly cooking more meals to bring to work. Marvyn deposits money in my account a little bit at a time. $800 so far. Less than three months until our Canada trip!

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