Prompt 1

1 Jun

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey.

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.

1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.
2. Write the story that has to be written.

(Author: Gwen Bell)

I am afraid of failing. I’m afraid of aging. I’m afraid of not being liked. I’m afraid of looking back on my life and saying “I wish I did that.”

I’m afraid of a life without the Oprah Show. I’m afraid of getting fat. I’m afraid of working out. I’m afraid of letting my husband down. I’m afraid of letting myself down. I’m afraid of not living to my potential. I’m afraid of pursing this food truck business and it failing miserably. I’m afraid to be assertive about my opinions. I’m afraid of pursing a dream and it come crashing down. I’m afraid of appearing as a fraud. Whom am I to pursue this vegan food truck business when I’m not a vegan or ever ran a business in my life?!

I have to let go of my fears. Or at the very least, acknowledge them, validate them. It’s okay. It’s okay to feel this way. But to not let them rule. I’ve been feeling stuck. Sitting at home and watching TV for endless hours. It’s easier to do that than to try and come short of my expectations.

I have a hard time with letting go of things, stupid material things that I somehow convince myself to belief that I’ll definitely have a use for it later. Yessiree. Bridal shower and wedding paraphernalia, like the red rose pomanders that hung from the gazebo, invitations, platters, upright sundae bowls, etc. Tons of sorority, travel or family pictures I haven’t looked at in years.

I’m afraid to let go. I’m afraid of not knowing what my future holds. I’m afraid if I have no past, I have nothing to hang on to. It’s my base, my foundation. I’m just scared, scared, scared.

I need to start reading more. I need to start writing more. Just set aside time every morning to write. Because heaven knows I’m too damn tired and have no motivation when I get home.

I’m stuck in a routine of a commute, work, commute, eat, veg, sleep, repeat. It’s time I move on from my job. It’s time to look outside and go for it. 8.5 years is long enough. It’s time to go. It’s time to spread my wings and go. It’s time to take a leap of faith. It’s time to set my FEAR aside. False Expectations Appearing Real. Just face them. Look them in the eye and say I’m better, I’m stronger. You exist but I can overcome you, I will not let you have power over me anymore. None!

I have to dive in. I have to go for it. I have to just do it. To be open to possibilties, not expect failure. To be open to growth, to march forward. To pursue a dream. To not let my husband down. He’s bought me an iPad because he believes in me. He’s contributing towards the biz to help me. He wants me to pursue my dreams. He’s just like what Steadman said about Oprah. “I want her to succeed.”

I don’t want to be stuck anymore. I don’t want to be depressed anymore. I don’t want to be overwhelmed by my insecurities, doubts, fears ANYMORE.

I want to succeed. I will. #Trust30

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